


farewell

by b0kuto



Series: love, xx ー a letter pile [8]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Breakup, F/M, Gen, emo angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-31
Updated: 2020-05-31
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:11:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24463978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/b0kuto/pseuds/b0kuto
Summary: pt8 of love,xx - text messages from bokuto koutarou to akaashi keiji at 4am / farewell❝ But I have never felt more abandoned, more empty, more bruised. ❞— Gustave Flaubert, in a letter to George Sand, 28 February 1873═════════════════════╕i don’t blame you,for not knowing how to love me.i only regret,not being the person you can love.╘═════════════════════
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji & Bokuto Koutarou, Bokuto Koutarou/Reader
Series: love, xx ー a letter pile [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1753975
Comments: 5
Kudos: 13





	farewell

**Author's Note:**

> and we are done with my first series!! im honestly so glad i managed to stick with this project & finish it!! tbh, this series pretty much sums up my preferred writing style: emo, a mess of emotions, a plethora of different ways to love someone. i don’t say the L way often bcos it almost feels too powerful that it’s like a taboo for me. but i rly tried to experiment with it in this series. honestly, i changed my plan for this last letter. but this new plot seems more fitting for bokuto, and his relationship with akaashi. in this last letter, i chose a very direct, very frank way of storytelling. there’s no drama, just a simple story of how people can love each other but things will still come to an end. overcoming my writer’s block and finishing this is quite refreshing. im actly real emo now brb gonna think abt bokuto... 
> 
> anyways, thank you guys for reading this series! hope u guys enjoyed the emotional ride and don’t worry i’ll be back with more emo stuff heHE!! 
> 
> \- ✎ love, emi

It’s 4am. Akaashi Keiji was woken up by the continuous buzz from his phone. Rubbing his sleepy eyes, he checked his phone. it was Bokuto Koutarou, and 32 unread messages. Most of them are just “Akaashi” in different combinations of capitalized letters, but one message caught Akaashi’s eyes.

“You told me it will be alright, but I **have never felt more abandoned, more empty, more bruised**.” heaving out a sigh, Akaashi slid out of the comforting warmth of his bed, washed up, put on his old varsity hoodie, and drove to Bokuto’s house.

Akaashi found Bokuto before even entering the house. Bokuto was lying in the middle of the garage where Akaashi almost drove over him if not for Bokuto’s shrilling scream telling Akaashi he’s there.

“What the - why are you lying here?!” winding down his window, Akaashi shouted at Bokuto.

“It’s the only place that doesn’t remind me of her, at least not as much as the inside of the house.” Bokuto’s voice was half-gone, raspy from days of crying and screaming. Without saying another word, Akaashi hopped down from his car and lied down beside Bokuto.

“You know, you’re the one who broke up with her.”

“I know. But that’s only because I know she would never have the heart to break up with me first.”

“So why did you let go?”

“I can’t be selfish anymore.”

“And this, whatever this mess is, is what you both wanted?”

“…this? This is what she wanted.” Akaashi couldn’t ignore the hurt rippling through Bokuto’s voice.

“…Keiji”

“Hmm?”

“How can someone just, stop loving another person? Did all these years not matter to her? Can’t she just try again? Why must she give up on us?” Bokuto’s questions became more and more incomprehensible as his cries choked up his words.

“I think you know the answers to all of them.”

Yea, Bokuto knew the answers loud and clear. She didn’t just stop loving him; she will probably love him for the rest of her life, she just wasn’t in love with him anymore. All these years mattered so much to her that she was willing to just give up on her dreams and settle down with him. She had tried countless times, even when he himself wanted to quit. She never gave up on them, but holding on wasn’t the right thing for the both of them.

“When’s her flight?”

“Two days later.”

“Are you sending her off?”

“…do you think, I can do it?”

“Bo, you _need_ to do it.”

•• ━━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━━ ••

You bought a one-way ticket to London. You had one suitcase with all your clothes, your cello as your carry-on luggage, and a backpack full of your memories of him. You wanted to remember him because you had loved him for years, and also because he had a part of you that would never be yours again. A part of you that had been fully, completely, given to him.

After checking in your luggage, you turned to search for a familiar silhouette for the one last time. You didn’t give yourself much hope; you bought a red-eye ticket knowing that his sleepy head would probably be in deep slumber when your flight took off. But just maybe, maybe he could forgive you for leaving.

“Y/n!” a familiar voice made you look up. Yeap, he came. Before you knew it, you felt your tears falling from your cheeks. Damn it, you practiced this goodbye a million times, but you could never perfect it.

“Kou! I didn’t know you would come.”

“Keiji told me I needed to.”

“Hah…Akaashi-san is always helping us out huh.”

“And I wanted to see you, no matter how painful this’s going to be.” And you were back in his warm embrace again, the safe haven for your wandering soul.

His hands were combing through your hair again, a habit he picked up over the years.

“You know, I’m still in love with you, even though you are not.”

“Kou-“

“and it’s okay. Yea I’m hurt. I’m not doing well. But the only regret I have is not being someone you can be in love with.”

“No Kou I’m sorry for being the bad person I don’t know i just, i just... Maybe I had forgotten how to feel in love when I’ve been so caught up in my own miseries.” You could barely finish your sentence with all your hiccuping.

“Sshh, it’s okay. It’s okay,” he’s patting your back, gently rocking you back and forth as if you were a little baby. He had always comforted you in this way.

“That’s why I’m not being selfish anymore. So go, go find your passion, go chase your dream. You are such an amazing musician you made a tone-deaf person like me love music. You are meant to do great things alright? One day, you will see me in the audience, screaming bravo for you, hehe. That’s what they say right?” You burst into a giggle, and he nuzzled his nose against yours, giggling too.

For the last time, you two caved in to your own selfish wish: I just want to kiss her/him one more time. The kiss was brief, but you both knew how much effort it took to leave each other’s lips.

“…I will always love you, Kou.”

“I will always love you _more_ , y/n.”

•• ━━━━━ ••●•• ━━━━━ ••

Akaashi Keiji could not sleep. Bokuto should be back from the airport by now. Feeling restless, Akaashi decided to check on his best friend. “Keys…hangover cures just in case…yeap” mumbling to himself, Akaashi checked that he’s all ready before opening the door.

There he was.

Bokuto was already sitting outside his door.

“What are you doing-“ Akaashi couldn’t finish his question. He looked down at those fingers clinging onto his pants.

“Keiji, she’s gone. She’s really…gone now…”

Without saying another word, the two guys sat outside the house, all through the night.


End file.
